Some things in life can't be explained

I don't know why or how, but for some reason this was on the shelf next to the desk in the kitchen at work.

Dating advice

A while back I was thinking about boys, well that's a little misleading-I always think about boys, but I was thinking that I wouldn't want to receive cut flowers from a boy. Or anyone, really. I love flowers; they're pretty and they smell nice, but cut flowers are dead. And they are just going to decay more as you have have them. I don't like the symbolism in that. Our relationship is like these flowers, dead and wilting. That's not very romantic.

I wouldn't want to get chocolates either. Getting chocolates is like someone telling you that 1. he/she doesn't care enough about you to be concerned about your health and 2. that something as simple as chocolates are all you need to be happy. Like, you're just some silly woman who can't even control herself. Oh you brought me chocolates- I'm yours! Blah.

At the very least I think what you need to take away from this post is that you have to pay attention to what your girlfriend/boyfriend/significant other(s) like because some of us have strange thoughts.

Disclaimer: I am in no position to give dating advice. Any break-ups or nights on the couch incurred from reading this advice is all your fault. You deserved it, idiot. Don't blame your pathetic love life on me.

Snippets from my head #2

I hate child-proof containers. Why would you push down and turn something when you are trying to lift the lid up? I doesn't make sense. These things are so hard to open. I wanted to try some make-up remover that my aunt gave to me that had this kind of lid, but I couldn't get it open. So, I just fell asleep with make-up on and when I tried it again today, I  finally got it open, but I also got it all over my favorite sweatshirt.

At the mall yesterday, there seemed to be an unusually high number of pregnant women. I don't know what was up with that. Speaking of which, one of my old babysitters is prego again with her second child. Her daughter isn't even a year old yet. I'm really happy for them, but seriously all these people need to find something better to do.

My friend has this poster hanging up in her room. Another friend pointed out that if you cover up the football it changes it from an athletic-looking picture to a very sexual picture. The media is sneaky like that. Remember: They know how you think because they made you think like that.

I got 13 hours of sleep last night. Isn't that crazy?

It snowed all day yesterday which normally wouldn't be so bothersome, but on Friday it was so nice out that I wore shorts! And now we have snow and winter coats again! Dear snow, please go away. It is spring now and you have overstayed your welcome. Love, Gloria.

Wrong ethnicity for kissing

Today is St. Patty's Day. I have always felt very akward on this day. It puts you in a weird situation. Starting in elementary school is was pretty much a requirement to wear green on this day or else the other kids would bug you about it or more commonly, they would have the right to pinch you. So, you would wear green. But then any adults you talked to would see that you were wearing green as ask you if you are Irish. Then I would answer akwardly, "Well, um, no, not really. I mean, there's a little bit of Irish on my grandpa's side of the family, but my last name is Scottish." Then the conversation either ended or I got teased once again this time for wearing green.

So, I feel a little traumatized by this. St. Patty's day doesn't really do anything for me. I don't drink and I'm not Irish and if you try to tell me that everybody's Irish on St. Patty's Day; I will smack you in the face because that is the biggest bullshit I have ever heard. It just doesn't make sense. Well, maybe if you're drunk.

My Life is This

Today, another one of my dreams has been crushed. I thought it couldn't get any worse after I couldn't get the financial aid to go to the school I really wanted to go to and had to got to community college, but it has. MLIA

Today, I went on MLIA during work, like I always do. MLIA

Today, I started to read the stories, but as I did I noticed the story number has gone up significantly from where it was at before. I was keeping track of the numbers because in December my sister and I submitted a story that we thought had a fighting chance at being published. It should have been in the running to be published any day now, but now the number was past. I crossed my fingers that I would see my story published. MLIA

Today, I went back to the second page only to discover someone had posted how that there weren't any truely average stories anymore, only fake and awesome ones. I don't know how it happened, but this person was convincing enough that thousands of stories, like mine, were skipped over and never even given a chance. MLIA

Today, I realized that of course this would happen right before mine could get published and all that months of waiting and tracking it was for nothing. My life is average. My one little joy of awesomeness I was counting on-getting MY story published didn't happen due to this "revolution" for the website. I can't even get that. MLIA

Today, the website sucks again. I hate it. The stories WERE average. They were about being average awesomely. Whoever did this, you suck. FML

Give me liberty because you're giving me a headache

One of the most annoying things about living at home as a college student is that I'm supposed to be more on my own, but I'm not because I still have my parents watching my every move. So, tonight at the early hour of 9'o clock when I got a text from my mom saying, "take a shower;" I was pissed yet, ready to fight this battle. 

I text her back, "I shower, when I shower." That was not received well.

"Who do you think you are writing to?"

"The shower police evidently."

 In the meantime, my sister who had been drafted by my mom to tell me via facebook to shower, was amused by the situation . She informed me that my mom had received a text and  had said, "man is she being a snot." I think the feelings were mutual.

I talked to my sis about it because at this point I had finished my homework and actually did wish to shower, but since my mom told me, I couldn't. I am still a rebellious teen after all. So, I told my sis to make a lot of noise of I could shower undetected.

Then I heard a thunk. Then a louder thunk.

Gotta love sisters who got your back.

How does this story end? I showered, no one cared. Though, I found out later my dad was actually the one behind the orders. Goes without saying, I had a little talk with him.