Cheesefries

How can you compare anything to this wonderful creation of greasy, golden sticks and the gooey goodness that is not so straight-from-the-cow? You can't. Cheese fries are are so delicious. The best is when you get the kind where the cheese is already on top of the fries. So you stick your fingers in there and end up with the cheese all over your digits. Then you have to lick it off sensuously because, you know, cheese fries are such a sexy food. Pretty much an aphrodisiac.

Halloween

Halloween- a  holiday where you get to scare children, dress like a slut, and pig out on candy. A perfect combination.

Also, pumpkin guts.

Pancakes and/or waffles

I read a story on a website, notalwaysright.com, where a customer wanted pancakes but the restaurant didn't serve pancakes, only waffles. So, after trying to explain this to the customer who insisted on pancakes, the employee told the customer they could make him pancakes with holes in it that trap the syrup. Pretty, smart move on the employee's part.

I disagree though. Waffles are not just a syrup-trapping version of pancakes. I came to that conclusion based on the fact that I hate pancakes, but love waffles. That wouldn't be possible if they were the same thing.

PS. Do you like waffles?

Chocolate flavored condoms

Once my sister ate some chocolate and immediately afterward she played her clarinet. Seeing as how she didn't have any other reeds, she left the current one in even though it had chocolate one it. It was pretty gross, but what was even grosser is that I tried it. It tasted like chocolate flavored wood. Yum.

I imagine that this is what chocolate flavored condoms would taste like expect rubber instead of wood. I suppose it could be a better alternative if you are a vegetarian and dislike the taste of man meat. Or if the thought of flying free is something you can't swallow.

Either way, I think lollipop flavored would be more suitable. 

Crystal meth

If you ever find yourself in a situation where crystal meth is around or being offered, first of all, ask yourself, how the hell did I get here? Because chances are, you already made a series of bad decisions that lead to this point. So, get yourself a pregnancy and STD test and check to see if you have any upcoming court dates.

Now that that's taken care of, ask yourself, do I really want to do this crystal meth? Think about it. It could kill you. And if it doesn't kill you, using it in the long term will make you look like shit. Actually, it will make you look worse than shit. Think of all the pics you've seen of meth abusers and tell me you wouldn't rather look at shit? Well, neither is pretty. I'd even bet the shit smells better.

Hipsters

Last time I went shopping for underwear, I found myself making a unexpected decision. There was my brand right there, in front of me, in the colors I wanted. But before I could purchase I had to make sure I picked out the right kind. You see there are hi-cuts, thongs, bikini, and one I had never contemplated before: hipsters. Hi-cuts are no good. They go up to your belly button. Thongs weren't really necessary cuz I was just trying to pick out some Hanes. Bikini was my usual. But then I thought, hipsters could be comfortable too, a little more coverage, but still not granny panties. So, I got both.

Totally kidding. I know that's not what you meant. Plus, you don't think I would put a true story about my unmentionables on the Internet, do you?

Wanna play a game?

So, I just realized that I have no posts at all for the month of October. And that is just not acceptable. It's not that I haven't had ideas. I'm just too lame to sit here and type them up.

If you are up for it, I would like to play sort of a game as a way to get my ass to write something (well my ass isn't really involved in the writing-mainly just my head and fingers.) Give me a topic, any topic, and I will blog about it. There are no exceptions and no limits. Any topic you give me, I will have to write something about it. Seriously, ANYTHING!

So shoot. Put it in the comments. Offer expires at the end of the weekend.