No offense

I saw a commercial yesterday and at the bottom it read, "Real People, Not Actors." So, in case you're wondering- actors are not real people.

(It's a joke people.)

Rachel's Challenge

This Rachel's Challenge thing has a hold on my mind and I don't know why. Is it because I have tried to implement similar ideas many times in my own life and failed? If so, then this should be my chance, right? I signed the thing saying I accept Rachel's Challenge. Or can I not get it out of my mind because Rachel possessed an extraordinary gift from God. Or is it because, despite the powerful meaning, I feel like I'm getting a biased opinion about something and I don't like that. Anyhow, it's stuck in my mind. I have so many thoughts about various parts about of the presentations and it's hard to sort through them all. I've heard so many different opinions from teachers and students and I'm just trying to put them all together. Maybe what I really don't like about it is that since I'm still just a teenager(we have stupid ideas sometimes) I don't want something like this to have a big impact on me because I just want to be able to make my own decisions and not have anybody tell me what I should do.

By the not likely chance that somebody not from my school is reading this here's a link in case you want to find out more.
http://www.rachelschallenge.com/

Drowning my sorrows in marshmallow fluff

I spent the whole day doing nothing. I baby-sat in the morning, but after that I did nothing. I watched DVD's of Grey's Anatomy and ate junk food all day long. I totally ignored all my plans to study, fill out college applications, and anything thing else important to do. Sometimes I like to have days like this-where I do nothing. I feel guilty because I feel like I don't do that much to begin with and I already do a whole lot of nothing. I know sometimes people like to take days off for a "mental health day", and I guess that's kind of what it is for me except, on these days, I feel like shit.

I get really mad at my friends sometimes. I believe the Apples To Apples card says, "with friends like these who needs enemies?" Or even if that's not what the card says it matter because that still describes my friends.

I'm really shy. It's something I can't help, I don't know why it's just the way I am. It's really hard for me to talk to people I don't know very well. What's even harder is that a lot of people don't understand that. Hell, I don't even understand it, but that's just the way I am and I accept it.

My social life has never been very good. Because of my shyness, it's hard to me to make friends. For the longest time I didn't have any real friends besides my two best friends who I've known since the fourth grade. But last year I decided I wanted a better social life, I wanted more friends, and I wanted to talk. And ever since then, I've been trying really hard to talk to people. Believe it or not I've gotten better at talking to people, and I'm really proud of myself for it. I'm still socially inept, but I'm working hard at talking to people, and I want everyone to see that.

I'm not where I want to be though. I was hoping, since it's my senior year that I would get asked to homecoming. I think though I started my "new person" too late. I never got the chance to talk to male-classmate enough to become close to him. It makes me really sad because I'm not looking forward to this year's homecoming. The past three years, I've gone to homecoming single and with my friends and it was awesome. But I don't want to go this year. All of my friends have dates, and so does everybody else-except for me, and the people who don't- are not going to homecoming. I'm forcing myself to go though because that's what the new me does. I force my self to go places, I force myself to hang out with my friends, and I force myself to do things like will never get to do again- like my senior-year homecoming.

What I hate the most, is that my friends don't care. They don't care that I'm sitting here crying as I type this right now. They are all at a party I wasn't invited to. And when I talk to them, they don't listen. I listen, to them and all of their problems, but nobody ever listens to me. I'm bad at talking and I'm lucky if I can get a stupid sentence into the conversation, but I never get to say anything real. Nobody at that school besides my best friend and my sister are even close to knowing who I am, and even those two don't know as much as they should.

I know I'm not always a very good friend or a very good sister, but I always listen to them. I let them go on and on about their problems or their accomplishments, but I feel like nobody wants to know about my problems or my accomplishments. I'm just the shy, quiet, lazy to girl to everyone.

That's why I'm writing this blog. These are my true feelings. I don't know if I even would have written this in my diary. I'm usually not truthful to myself. I let myself think I am the the good-for-nothing shy, lazy girl.

But I'm writing this to let everybody know that I am important. I have thoughts and feelings and I like talking. I just want my friends to listen to me. I just want my friends to be my real friends. I'm not the girl who just sits there while everybody else is having fun. It may seem like it, but you know, when I'm just sitting there I'm laughing too and I'm thinking. I'm just not good at getting a word in when everybody else is talking.

I don't know if anybody's going to read this. Rinny and Ryan maybe will eventually. I don't know if anything I just wrote will actually make sense or if those who tried to read it even made it this far.

I just want to let everybody know how I feel so I can stop drowning my sorrows in marshmallow fluff and so I can stop pretending I'm scary and damaged Meredith Grey- because I'm not.

Even I have to stop procrastinating at some point

College applications-or more specifically the essays for college applications- stink. I've been putting it off for a long time, but today I decided I should probably start. So I wrote the first drafts to two short little 300 word max (one's 297- that's how good I am). They were ok to write. One was hard, and not that good, but, hey, that's what editing is for- at least I got something. Anyway, now it's time to write that dreaded personal statement. You know- it's hard to try to write about yourself when you're not that interesting- especially for something this important. So here I am- blogging- procrastinating again (I'm an expert), and all I have is the intro.

Sweet dream (no pun intended)

Last night, I had a dream where I was in some sort of contest/game and we had to find things and put it in a little baggie. The first thing I had to find was in some sort of weird cave thing, but I eventually found it and put it in my bag- it was a chocolate chip cookie bar. The second thing was harder to get. It was in the library, but the only way to get it was to go through a maze and then when you reached the end you had to use your mind power to get it out from a small silver dome on the ceiling. I got through the maze pretty quickly, and my mind power was so good, the thing- a big blue cube of Starburst, was already on the chair as I walked to the dome. I was so proud of myself, but as I was leaving the library, my sister walked by and I saw in her baggie she had the cookie bar, the Starburst, and a Hershey bar. I was upset that I didn't know about the Hershey bar. Then I realized I had a similar dream previously where I did have the Hershey bar.

I think these things I was getting were for God (who knew He has such a sweet tooth?). I don't know why I couldn't get the Hershey bar. It made me think of offerings to God and of Cain and Abel (I promise I'm not going to kill my sister). Then I thought my friend Rinny would say that I've been reading too much East of Eden.

Tootsie roll vs gum

Boy: Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?
Mr. Owl: A good question. Let's find out. A One... A.two-HOO...A three..
(crunch sound effect)
Mr. Owl: Three

In my psych class we did how many licks does it take to get to the center of a blow-pop. It was one of my childhood dreams (actually I would have preferred the tootsie pop). It was so hard though. It hurt my mouth to keep it open and to keep on licking. It took me 624 licks. Everyone was saying that they didn't like blow-pops anymore after that.

Septiembre

Wait, what? It's September already? Where did July go? Come back July!

Air pollution

I'm in a really bad mood and I don't know why. I'd like to be in a good mood. After all, I already did homework and it's a beautiful day outside. I attribute it to lack of sleep and fact that there's school tomorrow. Labor day just messed everything up for me. The school week should only be four days long anyway- that's much more reasonable.

So, on account of my being in a bad mood and being bored I went to bored.com and I was like- Whoa! They changed it! Then I was like, I like it. It's too white though. Then I saw their logo thing in the corner and I saw like- how stupid! Bored- Burn your boredom!

Burn my boredom? What the cheese does that mean? What a stupid thing to say.