Spend an hour or so with me. Or not.

For quite some time now, all of my blog posts have been things that I have thought of beforehand. Sometimes they even required planning. But there's a certain personal quality to a blog post that has no direction. Every sentence exists in my head for only seconds before it hits the keyboard. You never know where it's going to go.

The reason for this impromptu post? The computer will not let me log onto Facebook. I was devastated at first.  How was I supposed to survive another hour at work? Work?  There isn't any, except the occasional phone call. Homework? Please, it is almost the weekend. So here I am, typing this very exciting blog post.

I actually do have a post idea that I thought of today. I wanted to get another one in since obviously no one understands the way my mind work and actually understood the last post. But that's probably all for the best. I wrote this upcoming post during lunch today. Why didn't I type that one up right now since I have the time, you ask? I didn't feel like it. It is almost the weekend, remember?

I'm really looking forward to this weekend.  First of all, it's the first weekend in a month where I am not working at all. Second, I normally use these not working weekends to get all the shit done that i need to do-like big homework assignment and filling out the many forms involved in transferring schools. But for this weekend my to-do list is as follows: do nails, catch up on sleep. Nice. Not that I don't have shit to be done. I'm just not going to do it this weekend. For the sake of my mental health. It all can wait another week or two.

All right, people I am down to 36 minutes left until I can go home. We've made good progress in terms of time elapsation that didn't feel 50 times as long as it actually is due to the fact that there is nothing to do.

There's a new Grey's Anatomy on tonight. It's a musical episode. When I first heard there was going to be a musical episode, I felt scared. If you are having a hard time relating to why I would feel that particular emotion do this: think of your favorite drama TV show or movie, now imagine, all of a sudden, they grab who are whatever is closest to them, whirls it around the floor and start singing. Get it now? If you're really that much of a nerd, you can apply the previous scenario to your favorite drama novel, if you don't have a favorite drama TV show or movie. But I got over that feeling, and I became excited- something new and different. Then they had no new episodes for three weeks(until last week)- and I got mad. One big hyped-up musical event at the price of three new episodes- it's not worth it. Part of me doesn't want to watch it tonight. Like a thats-what-you-tv-people-get-for-not-having-any-new-episodes-for-three-weeks-in-a-row type thing. That'll show 'em, I'm sure.

T minus 22 minutes.

T minus 21 minutes.

T minus 20 mintues.

Well, sitting here is fun. Now I've ran out of things to talk about. Am I really going to talk about how I ran out of things to talk about? Yes, yes I am. This sucks. This blog post was supposed to cure my boredom and now I have nothing left to say. Are you even still reading this? You must be really bored to. I know if I saw this really long post, I'd be all like, "Hell no, I'm no reading all that!" Like, what do you think I'm some kind of reader or something? I mean, if I wanted to read, I wouldn't be on the Internet, seriously.

That's actually not true, I enjoy reading things on the Internet. Especially news stories on Yahoo (cuz lets face it some of them don't really qualify as news, but they're interesting as hell) and funny websites like notalwaysright.com. I'm not going to turn that into a link. If you really want to go to that website, you can type it in your damn self. Don't expect me to do everything for you, ya baby. Plus, I've linked to that site before. Not my fault if you didn't feel like clicking on it back then and you do now.

13 minutes...

So, nice weather we're having? Sort of. We warmer than we have been most days this year, but right now we're below the average for this time of year-at least that's what they said on the radio. Something like that anyways.

11 minutes...

I have to pee. I know you really wanted to know that. So, now you know. I'm also hungry. Two days ago, I decided I was going on a diet because I need to lose a few pounds. One day ago I ate Oreos and vetoed my decision from the day before. I did, however, decided to eat less junk food. That's why I only had 2 Oreos instead of the 6 I usually eat in one sitting. And I usually have more than one sitting. But yesterday I only at two total. I was very proud of myself.

7 minutes- we're getting close. I can feel the excitement. I can almost picture myself shutting off the light, walking out that door, closing and locking it, and realizing I left something in here. Well, luckily that has never happened to me- yet.

Ok, now I'm down to 5 minutes and I think I must sign off now. You know, I have to lock the file cabinets, log off the comp, turn off lights and that shit. I enjoyed spending this hour with you. Well, it was an hour for me (a little less). But you probably read it faster though. If it did take you an hour to read this, that's ok, I won't judge you (just because you're slow). See what I did there?

Oh, and to keep with the whole writing-as-I-think-it thing, I'm not going to go back and edit this thing. So if there are misspelling or something that doesn't make sense- too fuckin bad.

6:59. C ya.

You can turn anything into something inappropriate

Dear microbiology lab manual,

No thanks. I'm not into that.

Sincerely,

Gloria

You can't joke about something like that

"Do you want to take a class with Beyonce?"

Now, I normally look at things pretty realistically (ahem), but when I read that on a sign at my school I was like, "HELL YA, I wanna take a class with Beyonce!" And suddenly I am no longer standing in a doorway on my way to the bathroom. I am shaking my booty next to Beyonce singing, "All the single ladies, all the single ladies..." while the sun shines through the window enveloping me and her in a glow of righteousness and we are the only two in the room.
 
Until I read the next line, "Well, we don't have a course like that here..." Dreams shattered, but no one hears so I pick myself up. Of course. Right. Why would we? There's not way in hell this community college can afford to bring BEYONCE here. So I continue on to the bathroom with my normal life.

You know, it's really cruel to tease a girl like that.

I didn't even read the rest of the sign. Something about a PE class, idk. Good attention grabber though, but next time needs more follow-through.

Ask yourself: WWFS?

My day started in a castle, somewhere in dreamland. I was a princess and I was getting married. I was trying on clothes for the wedding and festivities while my servants who were dressed like Austin Powers extras/ back up dancers in "Go, Go, Go, Joesph" in the video version of Joesph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat starring Donny Osmond, helped me. And my shy, quiet unroyal groom stood there nervously through all the ripping clothes off bodies and dancing. Then the scene cut to a group of men seated on the wedding day. They wore old-fashioned style modern clothes. Then a few of the men, with a pack leader, started making fun of the groom's father and his big, blue wool coat with huge wooden buttons. Then the pack leader proceeds to pluck off the buttons one-by-one with his sword. The groom's father just sat there and took all of their shit.

As I look back at this incredibly realistic dream, I can't help but wonder, what would Freud say about all this?

Delivering you a slightly amusing blog post

Did you ever look at a word and think "That sounds nothing like what it really means. That's totally stupid. They should change that because if I need a word for what it sounds like what it should be, I won't have a word for it!"

No, you've never thought that?

Ok, here's an example: Deliver 

What it means:

 

What it sounds like/ what it should mean:

 

So did you like this post? Did I deliver? (ha, get it?) #punniful 

PS. You will never look at the word "deliver" the same way again. 

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On an unrelated note: This is my 200th blog post!

Should I present this orally?

I was having writer's block for my creative writing class. Poetry isn't really my thing, but we have a whole bunch due soon so I'm pretty much up to my ears in bad poetry. Which reminded me of my two favorites that I've ever written- that I wrote for this blog. Remember the ones about my flute and computer?  Anyway, that inspired me to try that same kind. I don't know if this is appropriate to turn in for class though:

Dear Cheetos,
How could I have ever resisted you?
From the moment I first tasted you,
I was doomed to be yours forever.
You are very cheesy,
but I love that about you.
And when things get boring,
you know how to make them flamin hot.
Everyday I have to have you,
In my mouth.
Whether you are crunchy, puffs, or baked,
you still give me what I want.
Even when your prices go up,
I will not be turned off.

Please, never leave me alone at lunch time.
I'd miss you too much.
Always yours,
Gloria