My average thoughts of the day in a sensical order

6:05 am: F*** you, alarm clock.
6:59 am: I'm not late [to work]! For once.
8:45 am: I really have to pee, there's no time to pee, but I really gotta go pee.
11:00 am: I want to go home now. 
2:10 pm: I'm gonna sit here and look busy because I always finish early on Saturdays. I'll print the nourishment labels at 2:30. That only takes a few minutes.
2:32 pm: Printer jam. That's ok, I got it.
2:33 pm: Printer jam again. Oh boy.
2:34 pm: Printer jam. Dammit.
2:35 pm: Printer jam. What the F***! I only have 1 page printed! are you seriously going to do this to me printer?!?!
2:45 pm: I swear to God, printer, if you don't print these without jamming every other page I am going to take a hammer and smash you to little pieces!
2:46 pm: There we go.
2:47pm: Printer jam. *screams inside*
3:04 pm: Done. I gotta get outta here.
3:25 pm: Mushroom burger. mmmm. Tastes great, you know, with cheese, ketchup, mustard and pickles.
3:28 pm: Phone call from a boy or finish burger. Boy.
3:38 pm: Burger.
5:00 pm: Must. Nap. Now.
6:45 pm: Taco Bell bean burrito looks like poop. I want to smush it.
6:50 pm: I smush it.
8:00 pm: Phone call from boy again. Sorry. I don't feel like dealing with people right now.
8:34 pm: I don't want to be a vet.
8:40 pm: Phone call from Person! Ewww...that's a lovely dream (no).
9:30 pm: I should blog. I have nothing to blog about. Oh well, I blog anyway.

How to pick up guys

I bar him on hand [1] he hadde enchaunted me/ (My dame [2] taughte me that subtiltee)/ And eek [3] I saide I mette [4] of him al night/ He wolde han slain me as I lay upright/ And al my bed was ful of verray blood/ 'But yit I hope that ye shul do me good/ for blood bitokeneth [5] gold, as me was taught.'

-The Wife of Bath, The Canterbury Tales

[1. I pretended to him 2. mother 3. also 4. dreamed 5. signifies]

My lit prof's translation: "I had a dream that you stabbed me in bed last night, but I know you wouldn't hurt me"

Subtle, indeed.

Chaucer has such a dirty mind.

Sitting duck

I'm babysitting tomorrow. I haven't babysat since the summer, and if any of you remember the anything I have written about the kids I babysit; you will realize that I need a battle plan.

Go unarmored into munchkin territory you will be faced with screams and cry's- your own.  I have gotten hit, spit on, and sworn at at this house. Once, the little boy was trying to pee on the other children, now that's a weapon I can't compete with.

So, I bring toys, crayons, books, my wit, and my manners. Yes, I will teach them manners if it kills me. But I'm not going to take their crap sitting down.



PS. I think it's kind of wrong of me to use a duck hunting reference in my title considering my improved moral stance on animals rights. PETA might not approve, but it does remind me of Another Story.

Another story

In the operating room before my ear surgery, a bunch of people were milling about doing their jobs preparing stuff when one guy starts. "So, I went hunting this weekend..."

But then the anesthesiologist cuts him off and was like, "Don't say that! She's [me] a vegetarian!" You see, in pre-op I had mentioned I wanted to be a small animal vet and he was like, "You could go into research if you want to work with small animals." He got major death stare for that.

Then the fist guy said, "Well, it was just ducks. They don't matter [yadda, yadda]" I stopped listening then rolled my eyes, but no one saw.

How could ducks not matter?!?! Mean medical person. Poor ducks.

Chemistry cool

Today, the highlight of lab was when one kid knocked something over and set his lab papers on fire. Our teacher was yelling at him to blow it out, but he was unsuccessful so she yelled to go to the sink. He carried his burning papers to the sink and then put it out. It looked nice after that, all burned and wet. It was amusing, but you haven't even heard the best part part; he is studying to become a firefighter. Oh, irony.

What singles do on Valentine's day

Look at silly pics online of course! Here are a couple of my favs. From: http://thingsthataredoingit.com/ and http://thisisphotobomb.com/ 

"Tree Job"

 

"Yeah, My Mustache Rules" 

http://thisisphotobomb.com/2010/02/10/yeah-my-mustache-rules/ 

  

Actually, I look at silly pics online all the time. Though maybe it would be less if I wasn't single. Nonetheless, these make me laugh.

I didn't get the musical gene

Here's a secret- one of my favorite abilities that a person can have is singing talent. I sometimes value that more than traits like kindness and honesty. So, even though my cousin and I haven't really gotten along since we were 11, I got to admit one thing- the girl can sing.

And apparently she is in a band in Kentucky where she goes to school. So for all of you who saw this link on Facebook and skipped over it; I'm going to post it again. It's not my kind of music, but it is good. Check it out:

http://thesowingseason.wordpress.com/2010/02/09/if-the-ice-wouldnt-melt/

Win or lose, sink or swim

I was looking at the TV guide while I was eating breakfast mainly because it was on the table near my seat, but also because I was wondering what other stations were going to play when the Super Bowl was on.  I mean, how do you compete with THE SUPER BOWL? Almost everybody watches it and some even consider it a religious holiday.

Well, guess what's on TBS at a similar time? Titanic. Titanic is my Super Bowl. I make a day long event out of watching it. Snacks are involved, but more like ice cream than potato chips, and so are emotional outbursts, but crying instead of of shouting.

The best part though is that it is nothing like the Super Bowl. It's an artful movie that absorbs you in its romance and horror. It's deep (lol). You usually cry at the end.

Though, I guess the crying part is true for the Super Bowl too, for the losing team.

It was like a nightmare

Picture it: Harper Cafeteria, sometime in December, 2-3 pm. I'm eating lunch listening to Bo Burnham like I had been doing for the past month. I sit in the middle of the caf even though I usually sit in the back. There is a group of loud, hefty boys across the room. I notice they keep on looking at the TV on the wall, so naturally, I look too.

The sight I saw on that TV was the strangest thing I have ever seen. It was a music video, although I couldn't hear it, which just made it more perplexing. It disturbed me. I kept on looking back to the TV, even though I tried to resist, because it when you see something that...different you can't help it. Plus, I wanted to look it up later.

So, enjoy:

http://www.mtvu.com/video/?vid=460919&title=Major_Lazer_-_Keep_It_Going_Louder

Kinda catchy, no?