Purple music

My computer and my MP3 player teamed up against me and destroyed all but one of my playlists. Since I had to wash the dishes last Wednesday, I decided that it would be a good time to re-do them (I hate washing dishes and listening to music is the only way I can get through it).

I don't have a lot of songs. I used about 3 GB out of 8 on my MP3 player. I don't like to buy music. As much as I love it, it's not worth my limited finances when there are things like free radio. So it's hard to pick out songs for my playlists when my choices are so limited and I don't have most of my favorite songs. But as I was making one entitled "Smiles" (songs that put me in a good mood), I came across one song from my not-so-distant past that I love. I feel like if I had to describe myself using songs this one would be one of them. The lyrics are:


Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep
It's my lullaby
Sometimes I drive so fast
Just to feel the danger
I wanna scream
It makes me feel alive

Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please

To walk within the lines
Would make my life so boring
I want to know that I
Have been to the extreme
So knock me off my feet
Come on now give it to me
Anything to make me feel alive

Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.

Let down your defenses
Use no common sense
If you look you will see
that this world is a beautiful
accident, turbulent, succulent
opulent permanent, no way
I wanna taste it
Don't wanna waste it away

Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep
It's my lullaby

Is it enough?
Is it enough?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please

Is it enough?
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.
oh
I'd rather be anything but ordinary p lease.

My whole life has been a struggle to be 'anything but ordinary' , but whose hasn't? So far my life has been exactly ordinary. Efforts to combat this is what leads to the getting weird. As if all of my idiosyncrasies somehow add up to uniqueness. It isn't enough just to love, or to breath, or to die. There has to be more. I want to taste it.

And I want to taste it by going to University of Illinois and studying animal sciences. If I reach my ultimate goal of becoming a veterinarian, I feel as though my life will be fulfilling and I wouldn't be wasting it away. And once I am doing that, I won't be worrying about being "anything but ordinary" because I'll be doing something important to me.

This is a song that speaks to my heart and to my dreams. It's a song about something more, reaching for something more - goals. And goals are all I have in this world.

This song wouldn't fit in my "Smiles" playlist. That playlist is about outward happiness. So I made a new playlist and titled it "Purple". Purple is the color of my world.

And, yes. That is an Avril Lavigne song.