Alternate Gloria would have bigger boobs

Just watched another amazing episode of Grey's Anatomy. I feel like I've been through a lot with that show. From the first episode that I saw I fell in love with it. But after sometime the show had started to bother me. I was pissed at all the actor/character changes and repetitive and far-fetched plot lines. However after watching those episodes which I hated at first, a second time, I realized they were still everything I loved about that show.

So a few days ago I saw that this week's episode was going to be an "alternate reality" episode. My first thought was that this was stupid. The writers must just be killing time to make the show go on longer. I thought it would a waste of time to watch. But then I saw the preview, and you can't help but want to know what goes on in a world where Meredith's Person is April, not Christina; where Lexie is a druggie instead of a doctor; where Percy was never killed; and where everyone is romantically involved with someone else.  And not only was this episode extremely interesting, but it was also a good look on character development as we got to see deeper into all of them. Because what I realized as I was watching, was that everyone is focused on that they are the person they are because of things that have happened to them and what they have done, but what has just as much impact are things that didn't happen or what could have happened.

I'm not saying that we should be regretful and dwelling. Rather we should use those experiences to learn and make better decisions to live the lives we want. Although in contrast to the episode's overall theme of fate, Alex and Bailey point out that "we create our own destiny." That's what I believe. And although I don't always do that, if there's something I want, like Alex, I believe in doing what you can to get it. Don't just let things happen to you. Because if you do, you will feel like shit.

By the end of the show it's clear the writers want you to know that where the characters are in their lives right now is where they should be. I'm glad they did this because often times when we watch our favorite TV shows we can't help but exclaim "Why did they [the writers] do that to them [the characters]?!" And it makes you wonder what you would think if you could watch an alternate reality of your own life. I think we often wonder about that, at least I do, but we don't always think it through. We do "what ifs." What if I didn't go to college, what if I drop out right now? What if I didn't treat this person like that, what if I go make things better right now? And by doing this we try to look into our own pasts and futures. The truth is though, that you can't undo things you've done and you can't know what's going to happen in the future. We can't have that deeper understanding of our own character development because there isn't someone sitting at a desk in sunny California with a pen determining what's going to happen to us. We have to do that ourselves.

So if you want to be happy then do what makes you happy. Don't worry about "what ifs." When we were little my friend, Timmy, used to do that all the time, "What if there's a earthquake, what if we die?" And we eventually got kind of annoyed with this habit "Timmy, there's not going to be an earthquake. And if there is you aren't going to die!" No point in worrying about those things. I'm not saying don't be prepared, by all means little Timmy make yourself and earthquake emergency kit, but don't let the fear of earthquakes get into your everyday life and ruin your present life with worry.

It's like my mom said yesterday when we were discussing relationships, "Seize the day means enjoy each other's love TODAY. Thank God for it. Even if you never have another great day with him, you will always remember the love and be thankful for it...Everyday your Dad and I count our blessings together. Even if they are a little stupid (roof over our heads, love our kids, heater is working). When I was dating your Dad, everyday I thought to myself. 'If I NEVER see him again, at least I had _____ time with him. So I am very lucky' I swear to God I did this everyday"

Blessing masquerade

I have decided to look at this community college thing as a blessing in disguise. I've known all along that, financially, it is the best decision. And finances can be pretty important when you've got your eye on a $20,000+/year tuition for vet school.

So this way I can stay at home, save some money, learn how to drive (I don't care about driving that much, but now that I'm going to be living with my family for another two years it would be nice to at least get away from time-to-time). It will also be easier to get a job with all the college-bound kids going away and everything.

Plus, this way I won't be as upset about leaving PHS because I still get to go to the football games. It will be like freshman and sophomore year when I just sat there with my parents, wishing I was in marching band. And I already told my sister she has to find someone to take me to homecoming.

It's pretty upsetting, not being able to go away. To ease the pain I decided to keep some of my dorm stuff, like the desk lamp and the comforter. Nothing is really as comforting as new stuff. Except maybe best friends :) And the fact that my birthday is tomorrow. Yay!

You could shoot for the stars, but they would just burn you

At this transition period in my life I was thinking about the future. I considered all possibilities:

• Get a book published or get a story publish on MyLifeIsAverage
• Have kids or have a pot-bellied pig
• Become a veterinarian or watch a full episode of E-Vet Interns on Animal Planet
• Buy a jacuzzi or buy bubbles for the bath tub
• Go to Australia or go to Outback Steakhouse
• Spend my free time doing volunteer work or spend my free time watching satellite TV
• Graduate college without cheating or finish a bored.com escape game without cheating
• Go on an all-day shopping spree with my friends or go on an online shopping spree by my lonely self
• Go skinny-dipping or shower with the door open
• Learn to speak Spanish fluently or learn to speak pig latin fluently
• Meet a famous person or meet my aunt's cousin who played a caveman on the Geico commercials
• Buy a big vacation house with my friends or build a big Polly house with my friends

They all sound like viable options, except watching E-Vet interns, which is no longer on air.

The Future...

Since I've been going on the computer recently I decided to put my time to good use. Sick of solitaire and the games on bored.com, I thought I should look up information for the college I wanted to go to. There was this one college I was so sure I wanted to go to so I started looking up a ton of stuff on its website. I've already been to this place and read their pamphlet a thousand times over, but I wanted more info about stuff like honors and bands. Then after discovering some upsetting information ( my AP score is too low for what I thought would be an "easy" college to get into), I decided to explore other options. I then began to look up information for two other "easy" colleges- it seemed okay, but not really completely what I was looking for. So I figured I might as well look up another college I hear about a lot, but I had never really considered it because it's a "hard" one to get into. This "hard" college as it turns out has my perfect major. I thought this wasn't really a "sciency" school, but it has a major called "animal sciences" whereas the college I was so sure of going to I'd have to major in biology. Now I am totally confused and I just don't know anymore! College #2 has my perfect major, but it's harder to get into, way more expensive, and I don't want to get my hopes up about it. College #1 I know has a good biological science program, is smaller, less expensive, easier to get into, I have a shot at getting into their honors program, and has a couple of bands you don't have to audition to get into, but I like the other one more now (I think). I am so confused. I need someone to help me with all of this college-nonsense!