The moment you realize your dreams are completely crushed feels like a handful of Oreos in your mouth.
The subsequent moments feel like a stomach-ache.
So yesterday I found out I got a bad grade on a test in an important class. Before I found that out I still had hope. I had been studying a lot more than I was before, and one exam grade for that class gets dropped and I thought this test would turn things around. Except it didn't, it was horrible, and now I have two horrible exam grades for that class. It's not just any class either, it's like one of the foundation ones for everything I had wanted to do. So this in combination with hormones set off the waterworks yesterday.
It was interesting to experience depression for a day. At the time I thought it was interesting, but I didn't really care. I did really just want to lay in bed, stare at the wall, and eat junk food all day. Which I was doing pretty well in until friend made me get out of bed (and wouldn't let me eat any more junk food), but I was still just really sad and to him I was slightly bitchy. So, sorry about that.
Yesterday I felt like I had experienced a loss. It was the same kind of deep sadness I felt after a break-up and when Wilbur died (although the pain in those was much stronger). I really feel like the vet-school goal is over. It's not possible for me to get it. It's not going to be possible. So I don't really want my friends and family bugging me about it, I just want to move on and find something else.
Although the depression may linger. I'm still sad, I'm still stressed out about school and the million things I have to do, and tomorrow is Good Friday- Jesus dying is pretty sad.
On the plus side: Titanic and Easter!
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